The most powerful tool you have is to feel.

That’s right!

You have a VERY powerful tool, a great gift, and it goes with you everywhere you go.  By choosing to feel (and then deal) with emotions as they arise you are no longer captive.

Yet oft times we choose to stuff our feelings away rather than feel & deal with them.

So what is wrong with that? you might say.  Well… I have a LOT to say on that, but let’s just put it in a nutshell and say… it causes, physical, emotional and spiritual illness that leads us down a pathway that is NOT for our highest and greatest good.  (Yes, that was a mouthful!)

In this article, I am going to share with you some tips on how you can feel & deal with your emotions as they arise, so that you no longer store them to be dealt with later and suffer from the “storage” byproducts (physical, emotional and spiritual illness that leads you down a pathway that is NOT for your highest and greatest good).

Let me start by reminding you that not only is it ok to feel – angry, sad, afraid, etc…. But it is wonderful that you do!  Embrace your ability to feel!  The key is to feel & deal, not feel & store.  You see, feeling the emotion is truly a gift!  It is what you do with the emotion that matters and affects your life – for the better or worse.

When you feel an emotion; DO NOT SHUT IT OFF.  This is your body telling you something and you need to deal with it.

When a negative emotion rears its ugly head, the time to deal with it is NOW.

So what do you do?

They don’t teach you these things in school.  Your parents probably didn’t know what to do, so they couldn’t teach you how to “deal”.  Even today, your parents may not know how and you just can’t teach what you don’t know.

Fortunately, there are so many people out there who have done numerous studies; have researched our brains, bodies, and the effects of storing emotions; and they have published their studies and written books and articles to teach those who are ready to learn.

There are basically 5 steps to follow when a negative emotion appears.

1.  Find the emotion in your body.

This may sound a little weird at first.  But think about it, when you feel angry, where do you feel it?  In your gut?  Your shoulders?  In your head?  How about when you feel degraded?  Is it in your heart?  Your gut?  Where do you feel it in your body when you feel scared?

When I asked those questions, did you realize you do feel different emotions differently?  They really are in different parts of your body.

Recognizing where the emotion is in your body really helps you to focus in on what you are feeling.

Sometimes we know we are having an unpleasant emotion but we aren’t sure if it is anger, grief, shame… Finding it in our body is like getting the answer code to the problem.  It opens up our mind to recognize the true or root emotion we are tackling.

2.  Allow it.

This is counterintuitive to most of what we have been conditioned to believe.  An example of this is that it is not OK to be angry and I just need to get over it.  Or maybe as a young person you were taught that boys are tough and they don’t cry so you don’t allow yourself to be sad – you tuck that emotion away.

The truth is, your ability to feel is your tool, your gift.  Let yourself use that tool, embrace that gift.  Allow the emotion to come; whatever it may be.

If you are feeling hate, allow it.  If you are feeling unloved, allow it.  If you are feeling grief, allow it.  Even if you think it is not an appropriate emotion.

3.  Live in it (for a moment).

This is where most people get stuck.  They may be willing to find the emotion in their body and really hone in on the root emotion.  They allow the emotion to permeate their being.  It is oozing out everywhere.

Now they are at step 3.  They are living it.  But they take it too far.  It becomes who they are.  They choose to keep living in hate toward someone or a situation.  They choose to stay in a state of grief.

The thing to remember here is to give the feeling a voice – but only for a moment.  The dictionary defines moment as “a very brief period of time”.  That isn’t very long.

So yes, be angry; feel that hate, delve into the depths of despair but only for a few seconds.  Give the feeling a voice, let it be heard, but don’t give it a blow horn and unlimited battery power.  It only gets a few second.

Let it share its story.  But there is a time limit.  It is not the never-ending story.  It doesn’t need to be.  It just needs to be heard and that’s it.

4.  Experience it.

What does fear feel like?  What does hate feel like?  What does anger feel like?  What does sad feel like?

This is where you pull it all together.  You know the emotion you are working on.  You know where you feel it in your body.  You have allowed yourself to feel.  You know this is OK.  You understand its story (the experience that triggered it, similar past experiences, etc.).  Now it is time to let it permeate your being.  Let it be felt and experienced.

Until you burn your finger, you probably don’t really understand how hot a fire can be and why you would desire to keep your fingers away from the flame.

It is the same with negative emotions.  We need them.  They are so vital to our learning and growth.  We must allow and experience them in order to grow and appreciate the opposites.

This is where you let your finger get a little too hot – so to speak.  You experience the emotion – again, only for a moment.

5.  Let it go.

As the emotion permeates through your body, feel it, honor it, and allow it to leave.  Let it go.  You no longer need it.  It has served its purpose.

You have learned what you needed to learn.  You have processed the situation, the emotion.  All is well.

A great way to facilitate this is with deep breathing.  You take a deep breath in through your nose, let all the air go into your belly (not your chest) and then let it forcefully out your mouth.

It is amazing what this deep breathing will do for you in the “letting go” process.

The next time a negative emotion crosses your path, take 5 and follow the 5 steps to feel & deal.  At first it may take you a while to go through the process.  But as you become more comfortable, you will find you are able to move through the steps quite quickly.

Every once in a while you may find yourself stuck on one of the steps (if you are like me you might have a little stubborn streak and you just want to be mad a little longer).  If this happens, that is ok.  But don’t stay on any one of the first 4 steps too long.  This kind of behavior is what keeps you stuck and gives you the opportunity to experience those unpleasant storage “byproducts”!

Happy processing!