What is it that makes you feel like your most important and close relationships are a lot of work?  Why is it so easy to be with your friends, but you feel constantly frustrated with your spouse or another family member?  After much research and soul searching I think I have found the answer.

Unmet Expectations.

That’s right.  We put a lot of behind the scenes pressure on our loved ones.  We have no idea how much!

You expect that your sweetheart will remember that you dislike Chinese food.  So, when the 2 of you are deciding where to eat dinner and your sweetie chooses a Chinese restaurant you are instantly put out!  How dare they choose “that” restaurant?!  They know I HATE Chinese food!  Why don’t they love me?

Or perhaps you expected that since it was your birthday, your husband would plan to spend the evening with you.  Then, when he springs it on you that he has a meeting to attend, you break out in a sobbing fit.  Why doesn’t he care about me and the things that are important to me?

Or maybe you expected that you would be the breadwinner and your wife would stay home and be the happy homemaker – just like your mother.  But wait, your wife just got a job!  Why would she do that!  Why would she betray you like that?

In each case, you were expecting something that didn’t come to fruition.  You had unmet expectations.  You felt let down, unimportant, forgotten.

Now, you know that attempting to change people is a great way to waste your time and energy.  Not because people can’t change, but because change grows from within.  The only person you can really change is yourself.

So here are 3 simple habits to help you find happiness in ALL of your relationships

Habit #1 – Influence

It is important to first look at your own actions in a relationship.  How are you missing the mark when it comes to your loved one’s expectations of you?  Be brutally honest with yourself!  You are letting your loved one down in many ways, just like you feel they are doing to you – it is not one-sided.

You must change.  Be the person you want them to be.  Let go of your ego.  Let go of needing to be right.  Let go of feeling picked on and let down.  Focus on meeting all of their expectations – especially the ones you don’t even know about!

One of my favorite books is Influencer by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, David Maxfield, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler.  This book contains study after study on how one’s actions can be altered to enact the change they are seeking.

If you don’t know how to make changes in your life to become the person you want to be (or the person you want your loved one to be), check this book out!  It is a fabulous guide to enacting positive changes in your life and the lives of others.

That’s it!  Be an influence.  Be the person you want your loved one to be.  Model the behavior you want to see in your loved one.  Your actions and changes in the way you treat you loved one will be influential in your relationship.  When you focus on meeting your loved ones every expectation and let go of feeling like your needs, wants, desires, etc. are not being met you will see wonderful changes blossoming between the two of you.

Habit #2 – Salute the Divinity

In her book The Game of Life and How to Play It, Florence Scovel Shinn tells the story of a brotherhood in India.  These brethren never said “Good Morning” to each other.  They only said “I Salute the Divinity in You”.  They saluted the Divinity in every person and every living creature.  They saw only God in every living thing.

Salute the Divinity in your loved one.

Say to your loved one, speak it from your spirit to their spirit, “I see your Divine self only.  I see you as God sees you, perfect, made in His image and likeness.  I salute the Divinity in you.”

Can you imagine how wonderful it would feel to know your loved one looks at you and loves you the way God does?  They forgive all of your shortcomings and just see your real intent?  The true intent of your heart?

That is what you can do for them, for your loved one, when you choose to salute their Divinity.  This unconditional love that you will be sending to them will strengthen your relationship in ways you can’t even imagine.

Habit # 3 – Act As If

When I work with clients, this is a topic that comes up a lot!  We clear the energetic blocks that are holding them back, and then it is time to do things differently.  It’s time to learn and implement those life skills.

When working on strengthening relationships, I encourage them to “act as if” they already have the happy relationship they are seeking.  At first thought, this may seem very challenging, but it’s not – especially after energy work has been done to clear the way.

Just take a moment and think about how you want your relationship to be and then “act as if” it is already that way.  Be sure to express gratitude to your family member for all the good they do.  Make sure it is sincere!  Make sure to treat them as though they are already treating you the way you want to be treated.  Thank them for the little things.  Believe they ALWAYS have your best interest at heart.

For example, if you have been unable to count on them in the past, don’t dwell on that.  Move past it and truly believe they will always be there for you when you need them.  Then each and every time they are, express your sincere gratitude.  When they fall short, let it go.  Don’t condemn them and don’t dwell on it.  Trust they are always there for you when you need them.

This may take some effort on your part.  It may seem uncomfortable at first.  But as you put it into practice, it gets easier and easier.

There you have it.  3 simple habits: Influence, Salute the Divinity; and Act as If.  Put these habits into practice and you will no longer have a sense of unmet expectations.  You will begin to see your loved one in a different light.  Make them a part of your daily routine and it won’t take long for you to find your closest relationships are truly a joy.