It all started with the passing of my beloved dog in January of 2020.  I still miss him terribly.  Then in the last 6 months, I have lost 5 people who I was either very close with or felt a strong connection to. 

Since the onset of the big C pandemic, many of my “how I thought it would be’s “  have been crushed or completely annihilated.

At one time or another, we all grieve, we all mourn.  Let me tell you, I am there now!

This can be brought on by the death of a loved one – this is what we usually think of when the words grief or mourning are heard.  But it can also be brought on by many other things:  the death of a dream, the loss of freedom, a business failure, the loss of employment, a change in how your body works for you, the actions of others that alter your way of being, there are so many things that cause you to grieve and mourn.

According to the Kübler-Ross model, there are 5 stages of grief:

• Denial
• Anger
• Bargaining
• Depression
• Acceptance

As you process your pain, you may experience all 5 of these stages or maybe just a couple.  You may experience them in any order, but it is likely that Acceptance will be the final stage you land on and once you get there you can heal.

Think about something that has you grieving right now and let’s take a look at each stage and see a few little shifts you can make (when you are ready) to move through the grieving process.

DENIAL

Denial helps you to minimize the overwhelming pain of loss.  As you process the reality of your loss, you are also trying to survive the emotional pain it brings on.  Your reality is completely shifted in your moment of loss.

Denial can not only be an attempt for you to pretend the loss doesn’t exist, but you are also trying to absorb and understand what is happening.

Remember, it is OK to feel emotions – ALL emotions.  Let yourself process the pain, the loss.  Allow yourself to feel WHATEVER is coming up.  Your emotions are your friends – all of them.  You may want to write them down or draw pictures of how your are feeling.

ANGER

It is very common to experience anger after a loss. You are trying to adjust to a new reality, and anger is kind of a mask emotion.  It rears its head in a situation like this because it is likely you are afraid to admit you are really scared.  Anger allows you to express emotion with less fear of judgement or rejection.

But you know that anger is not what is really going on.  Allow yourself to feel the anger and then dig deeper.  What is under this anger?  What emotion or emotions are making you hide behind anger.  Then allow yourself to feel those emotions.  You must feel it to heal it.  As you start to uncover these emotions, keep asking… “Is there something deeper?”

BARGAINING

When you are in the depths of loss, you can feel so desperate that you are willing to do almost anything to relieve or eliminate the pain.

When you are bargaining, you are likely reaching out to your Higher Power asking for the miracle (save my dream, save my loved one, etc.) in return for a perceived better behavior from you.

• Spare my mother’s life and I will give all my money to charity.
• Let me have my life back the way it was and I’ll never get angry again.

You know how it works.  You’ve been there before.

You may also tend to make drastic assumptions that if you could have just _____________, then things would have turned out differently.

One thing I always try to remind myself of is that I am not in charge.  That can be a hard thing to swallow.  I believe God (my Higher Power) is leading the way.  I may veer off His path from time to time (ok, maybe a lot), but when I surrender and allow the things that are for my highest and greatest good to play out, it really is easier.

If you are in the bargaining stage, you may want to journal your feelings to your Higher Power.  Then let that Higher Power speak back to you in thought or written word.  (If you need to know how to do this, let me know!  I can help).

There is great peace in trusting your Higher Power.

DEPRESSION

There comes a time in your grieving process when your imagination calms down and you start to see the reality of your situation.  You are actually facing your new reality.

The loss feels more present and unavoidable.

When this happens, you tend to pull inward and your sadness grows.  You will likely be less social and depression may set in.  It can be very isolating.

I encourage you to drink lots of water and cry.  That may sound crazy, but crying helps you release emotions built up inside.  Let it go.  Remember, your emotions are there to help you not hurt you.  Check out images of tears of grief under a microscope (here is one link: https://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/the-microscopic-structures-of-dried-human-tears-180947766/?no-ist&fbclid=IwAR2bovTOxqhzttf4hzzp_dDALc5YCTY-_HXCFpAIC4MfxhRg2W_QS8kQCjU)  Your emotions are powerful!  Your body is amazing!  It was designed to help you process your emotions.!

If your feelings of depression continue for any extended length of time, seek professional help.  There are so many wonderful, trained professionals who are there to support you and help lift you up.  There is nothing wrong with seeking help.

ACCEPTANCE

What does acceptance feel like?  You no longer feel the constant pain of loss, you are no longer resisting the reality of your situation, you are no longer struggling to make it something different.

You will likely still have feelings of sadness or even regret, but those survival tactics of denial, bargaining, and anger are likely not present.

This is where you finally feel peace.

As you process your grief, going through whatever stages you do, always in the back of your mind (or maybe even overtly in front) have the intent to seek acceptance.  This is an energy vibration that will serve you well during you journey.

Remember, you are not alone – even though it may feel like it.  The process of grieving can be beautiful and healing if you let it.

You may feel your loss is small or unimportant compared to others… like you didn’t make the sports team or win the class election or maybe you weren’t invited to the lunch or activity.  But I’m here to tell you, there is no small loss.  They all hurt.  Sometimes it is the perceived small loss that pushes you over the edge.  The seemingly little things can be what eats you up and keeps you awake at night.

Let yourself grieve – big or small.  There is great peace in the process.

Are you ready to take your healing from grief to the next level?
Grab my energy alignment session ~ Grief & Mourning.
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