When I was in the depths of my loooooong journey to motherhood (aka infertility), I withdrew. I created a belief about myself that I was not worthy to give or receive any kind of love. I was all alone.

You see the birth of each niece and nephew drove me a little further into my shell. The pain and shame of not being able to have a family of my own was too much to handle.

All of my friends had kids and all they did was “kid stuff”. I get it. I got it then. That was their life – their season. But I was an outsider. I didn’t fit in. I had no kids of my own. I didn’t know what it was like and even though I loved their kids, it just wasn’t the same.

These well-meaning friends (and others) would tell me things like “Having kids is soooo hard, you are so lucky.” But I didn’t feel lucky. I just felt like a failure. Like an outcast. Like the barren cow that should be culled from the herd. (If you don’t get that ranching reference, let me know and I’ll write a post on that!).

I would also hear things like “You can still mother and nurture children even if you don’t have any of your own.” All I could think was HOGWASH!!! If I was that great, then I WOULD have children of my own! You don’t know me at all!!!

When you allow these kinds of thoughts to permeate your being, you withdraw. You don’t want to be around people who remind you of “the failure and non-person” you are.

Now I know those feelings are lies that I told myself. But boy, did I believe them.

So I withdrew. I hid in my closet and cried. I made up excuses to not have to be around people or situations that reminded me what a “waste of skin” I was.

My self-talk was, well, let’s just say it was not positive.

I pleaded with my God. I asked over and over what I needed to do to become worthy of His love and blessings. Because, remember, I believed I was not worthy of anyone’s love.

I was never given an answer as to what I could do to become worthy…. Do you know why???

Because I was worthy. In all my yuck and pain and yearning and hating, I was worthy. I was loved. I didn’t need to do anything but accept the truth.

It wasn’t until I started creating a personal connection, on my part, with my God that things started to change.

As I learned to connect with God and allow that connection to remain strong, I grew. I grew from the inside out.

That is not to say my world turned around and everything came up roses. NO!

But all that I could do changed. I started going to baby showers without wanting to slit my wrist. I could love on my nieces and nephews without feeling like I wasn’t loved or that I wasn’t worthy.

You see, I had to connect to the fact that I am loved unconditionally by my Higher Power. I had to embrace that. Then life could continue and begin to flourish. I could have friends. I could be a friend. I could be happy!

I had created some pretty strong negative beliefs about myself:

• I have no one
• I don’t fit in
• I am all alone
• I am not lovable.

As I learned to connect to God and truth, I learned:

• I have all the help and people I want and need
• I do fit in
• I am never alone
• I am lovable – exactly as I am

Louise Hay teaches that in order to heal and find true and lasting joy you need to heal physically, mentally and spiritually – not necessarily in that order.

I absolutely agree!

And I believe spiritual connection is the first step in healing spiritually.

If you find yourself sad, alone, lost, wandering, withdrawn, it’s time to get yourself connected in a spiritual way.

This is one of the things I work on in almost every Energy Clearing Session I do. I get my clients connected to their Higher Power, their Highest Self, and unconditional love.

There is a plethora of ways to do it yourself as well. Let’s name just a few:

• Journal to your Higher Power
• Meditate
• Pray
• Practice Ho’oponopono
• Immerse yourself in spiritual books

Don’t let another day go by where you are wallowing like I was! It’s time to take the plunge and get yourself spiritually connected!

Join Carolyn for her next Online Group Energy Clearing Session