In her book, “The Game of Life and How to Play it”, Florence Scovel Shinn teaches one of her clients that “You can never receive what you have never given.  Give a perfect love and you will receive a perfect love”.  In this example, the client is seeking the love of another, but I contend it is the same for loving yourself.

As I work with clients, there is a common theme; self-worth is almost always weak and desiring renewal and attention.  This is most prominent in first-time sessions, but it comes up in almost all sessions – maybe even every session.  How can that be?  We are amazing beings and our true and deep nature is that of love.

Do you know of a person or people in your life that you just LOVE to be around?  They make you feel special, wanted, important.  When you find someone like that, you go out of your way to spend time with them.  They lift your spirits.  They give you confidence.  They help you see your true nature and feel your infinite worth – even if it is only a short time.  And you reciprocate.  You give them an outpouring of love and appreciation.  You dote on them and tell them how wonderful they are.  And you truly feel and believe they are wonderful.

These people are living proof of Florence’s statement.  They are giving you a perfect love and receiving a perfect love from you.

Wouldn’t it be great to feel the way you do around them ALL OF THE TIME?  Imagine what your life would be like if you could bask in that kind of happiness every minute of every day.  That is what I believe our true nature is.  That’s not to say we won’t encounter things that might be sad or unfortunate, but when we recognize real love, real worth, our outlook is changed forever.

If you have not learned to love yourself, and I mean truly love yourself in all your mess and mixed up state, then you are not living the life that you deserve, that you are capable of.

There is a universal law of giving and receiving.  For every give there is a receive.

“Every relationship is one of give and take because giving and receiving are different aspects of the flow of energy in the universe.  If we stop the flow of energy, we interfere with nature’s intelligence.  We must give and receive in order to keep anything we want, circulating in our lives….The intention behind our giving and receiving is the most important thing.  When the act of giving is joyful, when it is unconditional and from the heart, then the energy behind the giving increases many times over.”  Deepak Chopra.

How do you treat others around you?  How do you treat yourself?  How do others treat you?  These are some tough questions.  And they will require some self examination, some deep and honest contemplation.  What are you giving?  To others?  To yourself?

To love and be loved is one of our basic needs.  I believe we should start filling this need by loving ourselves.  Nope, that doesn’t sound easy.  We tend to focus on our mess, on all of the times we feel we have failed or not measured up.  We compare ourselves to how we see others and we think we are so far down on the totem pole that we may even be underground!  These are lies, yet for some reason we choose to believe them.  (I have several theories on that.)

When you think and focus on these things that are not true, what are you giving yourself?  Well, you are giving yourself a bunch of “garbage” that will not serve you.  You will feel bad about who you are and what you have to offer others.  Then you will likely feel shame and tell others all the “bad” things you have chosen to believe about yourself.  You will continually bemoan how difficult your life is and that nothing ever goes right for you.

Then what will these people you are giving all of this “garbage” return to you?  Are they feeling love from you?  Probably not!  They are probably going to see the “mess” you are showing them.  They are going to feel frustrated and maybe even sorry for you.  They are going to return the same feelings and thoughts you are sending out.  It’s the law of give and receive.  So think about it, are you feeling sorry for yourself?  Are others feeling sorry for you in return?  Is that what you want to receive?  NO, it is not.

What you really want is to feel loved.  So give love.  Look at yourself in the mirror and look yourself right in the eyes and tell yourself how much you love yourself.  Examine all the good you have inside you.  Look at your soul.  Where did that soul come from?  I believe it was created out of light and for me another word for light is love.

You are amazing!  You are enough!  Just as you are now – in all your mess!  You are loved by your creator in ways you cannot even comprehend.  As you begin to recognize this and practice giving yourself love.  It will be returned to you exponentially.

The “garbage” you have collected along your life’s path so far is not who you are.  It is just a bunch of lies you now understand you need to let go of.

Take a leap of faith and put the law of giving and receiving to good use.  Love yourself and receive love.  It is empowering!  It is freeing!  It is the way to true happiness and self-discovery.

And the next time you think about tearing yourself down, remember the words of Florence Scovel Shinn “You can never receive what you have never given.  Give a perfect love and you will receive a perfect love”.