I just sat there, wallowing self pity.  It was such a small thing.  Why was I letting it get to me?  He kissed the kids and told them he loved them before he walked out the door.  He even gave the dog a rub and told him good-bye.  But not one word to me!  It was like I didn’t even exist.  What am I invisible?  How could he leave for the day and not even acknowledge me?

Yes, my feelings were hurt.  As far as I was concerned, at that moment, he had absolutely, intentionally ignored me.  He intentionally hurt me!

I found myself wanting to retaliate.  My mind started to come up with ways I could hurt him.  Because, as you know, the Bible says an eye for an eye.  Then I decided I would just put this in my mental file and bring it up as ammunition the next time he tried to pin something on me.  I found myself becoming more and more upset over something I’m sure he didn’t even realize he had done.  I started to make a mountain out of a molehill.

Our days are filled with little experiences like this.  Sometimes they are big things and sometimes they are small.  Sometimes we are the transgressor and sometimes we are the innocent victim.

Life is full of relationships and interactions.  And let’s face it, not all relationships are easy.  In fact, I think all relationships – even the best ones – have moments of hardship.  We step on others’ toes and we get our toes stepped on.  That’s just the way it goes.

Holding on to hurt feelings can cause a lot of damage in our lives.  Our hurt feelings could harden and turn into a grudge.  A grudge could lead to deeply rooted anger and hate.  Holding on to such negative and low vibrating emotions will actually lead to physical ailments such as kidney stones, liver problems, high blood pressure and heart disease.

Or maybe you will go the other direction.  You will reach new levels of low self-worth because you hold so tightly to the hurt that others put upon you.  If not resolved this could manifest in your body as eye troubles, yeast infections, weight problems or issues with your spleen ~ just to name a few.

I don’t know about you, but I like being healthy and happy.  So how do you go about dealing with your hurt feelings?

I like to start by putting the shoe on the other foot. 

What if I had been the one leaving for the day and I had forgotten to say good-bye to my spouse?  How would I want him to react?  Always give the benefit of the doubt to the other party involved.  Remember, you can’t give offense… you can only take it.

After calming down and seeing the situation from the other side, ask yourself why you were upset – the real reason.

In my story above, I was feeling a little neglected before that event.  We had both been very busy and had a lot on our plates.  The “missing good-bye” was just the last straw.  I had taken weeks worth of stress and let in manifest in one tiny moment.  I had been letting little things pile up in my mind and I had chosen that moment to pull them all together and make one BIG thing.

After putting it in perspective, I was able to realize I had been storing feelings of not being loved and supported that were very much unfounded as I looked at each one separately.  I also realized that I didn’t feel like I had been measuring up.  There was so much on my plate I just couldn’t do it all and I had not been showing as much love and support to my spouse as I thought I should.  So when I lumped everything together it became one BIG problem!

So really, I was upset with myself for not being the partner I thought I should be and when I saw similar behavior toward me, it hurt.  Not just because I wasn’t getting what I wanted/needed, but because I knew I wasn’t treating him the way I wanted to be treating him, either.

After you discover what your real trigger was, let it go.

This is the most important step.  Learning to let go of things that don’t serve you is key to your happiness and your health!

It can seem much easier “said than done.”  So here are a couple tips to help you with the process:

Tip #1

If after going through the 2 previous steps you are calmed down and feel pretty good about the whole situation just breathe it away.  Take a deep breath through your nose and into your belly, hold if for about 4-8 seconds and then let it out your mouth.  As you do this, visualize the “hurt” leaving your body and your mind never to return.  Do this several times until you feel relaxed and at peace with the situation.

Tip #2

If you are still feeling a little upset, hurt or angry – journal your feelings away.  Grab a piece of paper (or several) and a pen or pencil and start writing all of your feelings down.  Write down everything about the situation that is still bothering you.  Keep writing, drawing, scribbling – whatever you need to do until you are at peace with the situation.  Then throw that paper(s) away.  Or even better, burn it.  Discard it and never look at it again.  Let it go.

You may want to do the breathing exercise after you dispose of your journaling.  It will help you to truly eliminate the negative and let it all go.

Tip #3

Talk it out in nature.  This one is great!  But not always an option.  As with Tip #2, if you are still feeling a little upset or hurt or angry, let it out in nature.  Go somewhere in the great outdoors where you can talk out loud or even yell.  Go barefoot if you are able.  Then just start talking.  Talk about your feelings, the hurt, the sadness, the anger…. All of your feelings.  Talk about the good and the bad.  Get everything out.  Yell if you feel like it.  Keep talking until you feel calm and at peace.  Keep talking until you know you have let it all go.

Again you may want to do the breathing exercise to wrap things up.

That is how you stop your hurt feelings from ruining your life – Take on another perspective; Discover the root of your feelings; and Let it all go.

Because I have been practicing this exercise for quite a sometime, it was easy for me to let go of the “missing good-bye” and focus on all the wonderful things my husband does to show me love and support.

As you put these steps into practice you will find your life to be filled with more and more joy, peace and love for yourself and others.